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  • Writer's pictureMuz Hartin

Cruising To An Unhealthy Lifestyle

Updated: Oct 11, 2022

If you’ve come to the realisation that you need to lose some weight and get a lot more healthy, here’s a big tip.

Don’t go on a 7-day rugby cruise to New Zealand.

Don’t go on a cruise to anywhere for that matter.

Not that there’s anything wrong with them.

From my very limited, one-cruise experience, they’re bloody fantastic – particularly if you’re into food, alcohol, socialising and sleep deprivation.

But I challenge ANYONE who has a penchant for d) all of the above, plus a very strong genetic link to procrastination and laziness, to embark on a cruise – of any length time-wise – and not put on a significant amount of weight.

I’m not saying it can’t be done

I’m just saying it can’t be done by weak-minded, food-loving party freaks like myself.

My mate Mike didn’t put on any weight but his bar bill was a long way south of $100 and he probably averaged seven hours kip per night.

In contrast my mate Derek, suffering from what is commonly known in cruise circles as “First Night Syndrome”, almost doubled Mike’s entire bar bill on Day One, spent all of Day Two in bed, produced a Biblical-like resurrection on Day 3, partied through to the conclusion and staggered away mumbling it was one of the best trips he’d ever had.

According to Derek the 5kg weight gain plus distressed liver was simply paying The Piper for the good times had by all.

It was a pretty tame flight home.

We watched The Hangover 2 just to feel a bit better about ourselves.

At least we didn’t get THAT wasted.

Now I need you to totally understand I’m not attacking cruises or cruising, I’m not saying “Don’t go on them, they’re bad”.

No, no, no.

I’m just saying if you have no self-discipline and you like your grog and tucker, be prepared to ingest the equivalent of a small hoofed mammal and a 44 of booze.

Nothing a two-week stint in a Tibetan cave won’t fix.

To be fair the ship did have a gym.

I spent 25-minutes on the bike.

I don’t think it was enough.

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