THE SHOPPING BAGS FIASCO

 JUNE 22, 2018. My weekly poem recited by Alan Jones each Friday on 2GB.To listen to Alan's recital go to www.2gb.com type Murray Hartin into the search bar and click on the pic. 

THE SHOPPING BAGS FIASCO

It’s a finite world we live in,

Of that there’s little doubt,

Fresh water, sardines, helium,

Oil and trees are running out.

I recycle when I can

 But I’m being driven mad

By these environmental “Save the Planet”

 BRIGHT GREEN SHOPPING BAGS!!

Don’t pretend you haven’t bought ’em,

They bloody got me too,

The voice of guilt booms through the aisles

 When you’re trying to buy some food.

A constant message warns you

“Plastic kills” and “It’s your choice”,

So you buy the bright green shopping bags

Just to stop the voice.

But now the herbal groovy checkout chick

Who used to snarl and look away

Fills your new bags with a smile

And says “Have a lovely day”.

And the new bags hold much more

So it’s not just conservation,

Plus they’re easy on the grip

And don’t cut your circulation.

So, on the journey to your car,

The usual half a mile,

You think the bags are pretty cool

And you crack a little smile.

You get home feeling fairly smug,

Pack the food away,

Stick the new bags in the cupboard

 And that’s where they bloody stay!

You never take them to the shops!

You don’t remember ’til you’re there!

So you’re back to using plastic

And the checkout chick just glares.

So you buy more bright green shopping bags

To get her back on side

And they end up in the cupboard

Where the other mongrels died!

Well, they’re not dead, they’re just asleep,

I mean nitro glycerin

Couldn’t kill these bags,

They’re made of poly-propylene.

So you stick some in your car,

You won’t forget them now,

Well of course you bloody do,

You just can’t work out how.

It doesn’t matter where you put them,

In the boot or in the front,

You could hang them ’round your neck,

You’ll still only use them once!

They keep selling me these bags

And they know I’ve got a stack,

In the car, in the cupboard,

Don’t forget the granny flat.

I want to do the right thing

So I keep on buying more

Just because I can’t remember

To bring the ones I bought before.

Meanwhile, the price of poly-propylene

Is going through the roof,

Well, I don’t know that for sure,

I haven’t got much proof.

But someone’s making money

And it sure as hell ain’t me,

I’ve got a thousand bright green shopping bags

And they cost three bucks a piece!

So while I’d love to save the planet

And the green bags are fantastic,

My accountant said, to save my house,

I have to stick to plastic.

                                                               ©Murray Hartin